Love languages are the different ways we express and receive our love and affection for others. But what are these different languages and how can you use or show them in your relationship?
In this article, we’ll explain what you need to know about the different love languages. From how they were identified, to what they are and how you can use them.
For personalised advice, contact our team at Ros Yuen Psychology today.
The Five Love Languages
Doctor Gary Chapman, an accomplished marriage counsellor, first identified and named the different love languages in 1992. The term was first used in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
By working with couples for many years, he catalogued the different ways people said they did or did not feel loved. He then categorised these into different love languages. Words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts.
While most people often feel loved by a mix of these languages, their personalities can lean more towards one than the other. This means that if you and your partner are not aware of your love languages you may start to feel neglected in your relationships. Perhaps your partner loves giving gifts but you prefer quality time. This can make you both feel isolated, as your needs are not being met and their efforts are not being appreciated.
The key to using the right love language then is to understand them and how they relate to you and your partner.
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are all about communication. If you or your loved one has this as their love language it means they feel most loved when they are told they are. Regular compliments, encouragement and sincere ‘I love you’s’ are often enough to make your partner feel valued and appreciated.
If verbally expressing your affection for someone is difficult leaving notes is a great way to use this love language instead. You could leave them a sticky note on the fridge, or send them regular encouraging texts. Perhaps send them snippets of poetry or heartwarming quotes to improve their day.
Quality Time
Quality time is when you feel most loved when people spend time with you. Or that you show your love by dedicating time to them and enjoying getting to know them better.
This means time without distractions. Dedicated evening chats, without phones, can be a great way to make them feel cared for. Going out on dates or other fun activities is also a great way to use this love language to show you care.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is when people feel most loved when they are in physical contact. While this may mean sexual intimacy, it can also mean kissing, hand-holding and cuddling.
Kissing someone goodbye every day and holding them when they come home is a simple way of affirming your care. Cuddling on the couch and holding hands can also help them feel valued.
Acts of Service
Acts of service are when you feel loved when someone puts effort into caring for you. While this could mean looking after you while you’re sick, it can also be about someone putting in the effort to make your life a little easier.
There are so many ways to use this love language in big and small ways. Doing extra chores or occasionally taking on their half of the work can make them feel cared for. Maybe you can cook them breakfast, or make them a drink every morning to show you appreciate them.
Receiving Gifts
Gift-giving is a common love language people have used for years. It’s a physical representation that you care for someone. Thoughtful birthday gifts or Valentine’s flowers are often used as ways to express love. But you don’t need to wait for a special occasion to use this love language.
Remembering someone’s favourite snack and buying it for them is a great way to show you’ve been thinking about them. Flowers for your partner can make them feel loved, especially without the obligation of a special occasion. Taking the time to find the things they love and give them is a great way to make your partner feel cherished.
How Can I Get Started?
If your relationship has become strained or you’re struggling to understand what your partner needs, it might be time to get some professional advice. A qualified therapist can help you communicate better and build understanding.
Identifying how you express and receive love is a great way to strengthen your relationships. At Ros Yuen Psychology, we offer couples counselling services to help get you back on track. Contact our team today to learn more.
