Having a strong and happy relationship takes work on both sides, and sometimes, having assistance based on research and experience can be highly beneficial. The Gottman Method is a model that has been developed to work towards preventing, improving, or resolving challenges couples may face.
If you are having relationship difficulties, or you are taking active steps to avoid developing issues, understanding the crucial behaviours that may create problems can be useful. At Ros Yuen Psychology, I can help you increase your knowledge of these and how they can impact your life and support you to incorporate this into your daily life. Read on to learn about four behaviours that often lead to relationship difficulties, and how I can help you.
What is The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a form of couple therapy that has a focus on four behaviours: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and withdrawal. By evaluating the presence of these behaviours within a relationship, your psychologist can recommend and assist you with strategies that may help you navigate challenges and improve your relationship.
Some issues these four behaviours may lead to can include:
- Conflict.
- Emotional distance.
- Reduced or lack of intimacy.
- Physical and mental health difficulties.
- Diminished trust.
4 Behavioural Patterns That Can Negatively Affect Relationships
By identifying the four behaviours that are often connected to relationship difficulties, we can work together to help you move towards:
- Reducing interactions that involve conflict.
- Increasing intimacy and affection.
- Strengthening trust, respect, and empathy towards each other.
- Feeling less stagnant within the relationship.
- Reigniting a feeling of friendship.
- Establishing shared goals.
The four behavioural patterns that may be affecting your relationship include:
Criticism
Raising or sharing a complaint or concern is sometimes delivered in the form of criticism, which is not an effective method to do so. Criticism often creates a frustrating or upsetting interaction that may leave one or both people feeling, for example, unheard, unappreciated, inadequate, or defensive.
Criticism can be presented in different ways, such as:
- Certain ‘why’ questions and ‘should’ statements in particular circumstances.
- Joking about a flaw.
- Exaggeration.
- Broad generalisations.
- Correcting or altering in a non-verbal manner, such as ‘fixing’ the way someone has folded the laundry.
Contempt
Contempt surpasses criticism’s attack on a person’s character or behaviour and presents a superior position. Someone who is displaying contempt towards their partner may:
- Use sarcasm or body language to mock or mimic them.
- Show disrespect.
- Carry out name-calling.
- Assume superiority.
Defensiveness
Defensiveness is a reaction when one person feels wrongly accused or targeted. It may result from another behaviour such as criticism. It can involve someone defending themselves, blaming their partner in response, or refusing to take responsibility. Defensiveness is not a useful method to resolve a situation because it can lead to issues such as:
- Not showing understanding or compassion for the other person’s concerns.
- Reversing the accusation or blame.
- Ignoring the other person’s perspective.
Stonewalling
Stonewalling involves one partner withdrawing from an interaction. This can be a reaction to the previously mentioned behaviours, especially contempt. Taking an evasive approach in this context means that the issue is not discussed or dealt with productively. Rather, the person who is stonewalling the other shuts down and stops responding. It may be an understandable way out of an overwhelming situation, but it can be a difficult behaviour to stop and does not allow for rational discussion or improvement of the situation.
How Can Ros Yuen Psychology Help?
During your first appointment, I will undertake a thorough assessment to pinpoint what your difficulties involve and the important elements we will work on together. This will involve identifying which of the four behaviours may be underlying factors to your situation.
I will then develop a personalised plan that incorporates the Gottman Method. This involves helping you to understand the applicable behaviours and learn and integrate relevant tools and techniques, as well as undertake self-assessment. We will also work to improve communication and break down barriers and unhelpful patterns through interventions and progress evaluation.
Seek Comprehensive Support For Relationship Difficulties
If you are experiencing difficulties within your partnership, understanding the four behavioural patterns that can impact the health of a relationship is beneficial. I can work with you towards strengthening your relationship in a safe and supportive environment.
Please contact Ros Yuen Psychology to organise your initial consultation. I look forward to meeting and supporting you and your partner.
