The way in which we begin, develop, maintain, and even end a relationship has changed significantly over the years. Growth in technology, transport, migration, and societal norms and expectations all contribute to how a modern relationship unfolds. In many ways, this has had a hugely positive impact on many people all around the world and yet this means that it is urgent that people learn that “doing” relationships can not be an easy default option requiring little thought. In fact, relationships are the casualty of our fast paced world which has little time for reflection or thoughtful choices.
These changes mean that we can no longer assume that we know all there is to know about relationship mastery. We must tend to our relationships in creative ways to accommodate our brave new world where familiar social systems and rituals are dying and new forms are struggling to emerge. We are part of that struggle. . By understanding how the modern world impacts our relationships, we can be more aware of what we need to do to create a healthy and happy relationship and learn how to maintain it long term. At Ros Yuen Psychology, I can help you navigate the varying factors that impact relationships in our era. Read on to learn more about modern relationships.
3 Changes to Modern Relationships
A major social trend that reflects our changing way of life is our relentless busyness. Have you noticed how we uphold being busy as a virtue? As if not being busy means one is redundant or lazy or dead. Even retirees boast how busy they are! Has the world become a busier place? In part, yes. Thanks to computers and smartphones we do not leave the workplace easily and the DSM5 now has added a new addiction to its list of addictions: internet-screen addiction. However, busyness is also a socially convenient place to hide or avoid social interactions and to mask one’s emotional and social unavailability. We all have turned down unwanted invitations by “being too busy”. In the unbusy world of yesteryear, we could not avoid some difficult social interactions. Eventually, we can become too busy to stop for a chat with a needy neighbour and even too busy to notice our partners’ needs.
By understanding the implications of our changing ways, , we can work towards developing antidotes to strengthen our relationships. This may not only improve or maintain your relationship but allow you and your partner to thrive in our modern world.
Three changes that may be relevant to your relationship include:
1. Technology And Digital Communication
Technology has had an unpredictably massive impact on relationships.. We can now meet and begin a relationship with someone without even seeing them in person. This is vastly different from the days in which the most common ways to meet someone was through your family, friends, or church. Communicating digitally means that we can engage with someone anytime, anywhere. However digital communication does not substitute for embodied human interaction.
What is less known is that face-to-face eye contact is essential in interpersonal bonding. Functional MRI studies show that eye contact activates the social brain. For instance, the rate of eye-blinks provides important social communication cues. The eye-blinks of a listener and a speaker synchronise when their communication is smooth through a sharing of attention in the visual cortex of the two brains. It is not surprising that our young adults, who are also the heaviest users of social media report the highest levels of loneliness. They are depleted of the subtlety and richness of face-to-face contact and despite being connected, they are not emotionally nurtured.
Therefore whilst constant interaction can be exciting and useful, it can lead to misunderstandings, feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction. Whether you are at the early stages of dating or are in a long-term relationship, how you communicate in your relationship matters. It is important to be mindful of issues that may arise and to incorporate strategies that help you navigate them.
2. Distance And Location
There was a time when dating someone was often restricted to people who lived within a few blocks of you. These days, you can begin or maintain a relationship with someone who is literally on the other side of the world. While this means countless people have had beautiful relationships they may not have had otherwise, it comes with several challenges, such as:
- Time apart due to long-distance dating.
- Communication difficulties due to time zone differences.
- Relocation away from family and friends to be with a partner.
- Reduced physical and emotional connection and intimacy.
- Wavering trust or jealousy.
- Cultural differences.
- Language barriers.
3. Social Norms And Inclusivity
A significant change in the modern world in terms of relationships revolves around the expectations attached to who and how we date. With an increasingly more open-minded acceptance of personal choice, lifestyle, backgrounds, and identities, more people can make a relationship what they want it to be without as much external pressure as was present in the past. Changes include factors such as:
- Living together before marriage.
- Same-sex marriage.
- Cross-cultural relationships.
- Casual dating.
- Gender equality.
- Non-traditional family models.
- Non-monogamous relationships.
- Marrying and having children later in life.
- Mental health awareness and therapy access.
- Celebration of diversity.
- Different views on divorce.
Adapt Your Relationship in the Modern World
The modern world presents us with many positive influences on relationships, such as evolving societal values, acceptance and inclusivity, and technological advances. There is a growing focus on dating who and how you want to, increasing ease to stay in contact no matter where you are, and developments regarding parenting roles and shared responsibilities within a partnership.
On the other hand, many factors within our modern world create challenges when it comes to developing and maintaining meaningful connections. If you are having difficulties or are looking to strengthen your relationship to avoid issues arising, I can work with you to provide strategies and interventions personalised to you, your partner, and your situation. Please contact me to organise an initial consultation.
